I have debated writing this post for some time. But it really never seemed relevant. But for some reason tonight I feel the need to share. As a wise friend recently told me, "if you are feeling compelled to write it, there is a reason. Someone out there needs to read it and it will help them." Technically this is supposed to be a craft blog but as many of you know I blog about all aspects of my life. This particular subject definitely isn't something that defines me but is a part of who I am. I have depression. I take medication (sorry Tom Cruise). It never was an issue, except the occasional blah day, until after Natalie was born. I didn't realize until after the fact that I had had post partum depression. Natalie was 3 when I decided that I needed to try medication. Most days are great, some days not so much. Today has been one of those days. For some reason I just feel sad. It's like this deep gut feeling. I really can't describe it. It sucks away my motivation. I am overwhelmed with thoughts of failure. As I type this I worry what you will think of me and if you are asking yourselves, why is she telling us this? I am having a very difficult time writing this post because until you have had depression it is hard to explain what it feels like to have it. I always tell people that you don't know you are in it until you are out of it, if that makes sense? It's this vicious cycle that just compounds on itself. You feel depressed so you don't want to do anything, then the guilt and self loathing sets in which only makes the depression worse which starts the cycle all over again only worse. It is a very lonely place. I know what it feels like to be numb to everything and feel hopeless. Thinking that you will never get better, you will never figure it out. And if someone out there is going through the same thing I am, I don't want you to feel alone. I want you to know that someone understands. And that you don't have to be ashamed and that you deserve to be happy and healthy. Even in 2011 mental illness is still taboo. I feel that the more we talk about it and the more accepting we are towards people who have depression the less alone they will feel and more willing to reach out for help. And I guess by writing this post I am helping myself too because now that I have shared this with you I already feel less alone.